dashiell.

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Meet the newest member of the ruinista family: a near-mint Hasselblad 500c/m with standard Zeiss Planar CF T* 80mm f/2.8 lens — aka Dashiell, or Dash, or What’s The Fun of Being In Debt If There Aren’t Fun Toys Too?.
These photos were taken this weekend in Prospect Park, just a handful of test rolls to make sure there weren’t any light leaks, and to get a basic sense of focal distances and so on. Mike graciously offered to join me and to stand here, there, and everywhere so I could work on figuring out how to make everything work relatively smoothly. There’ll be a post coming up soon with some pretty great black and white shots that we took in an impromptu and inspired moment later in the day.
But for now, here you go. I’m excited, and while I don’t think a new camera will suddenly change my general frustrated outlook on my photography, I do hope that it will inspire me to try to really see again, full of awe and wonder. As beautiful and well-crafted as the Hasselblad is, it cannot necessary save me (or anyone else) from blah photographs (do a flickr search for Hasselblad photographs, if you don’t believe me); it will take time to get a sense of how Dash and I will work out. This is only week one, with just three test rolls to my name. We shall see. Fingers crossed!
But if nothing else, there’ll hopefully be more photographs of Mike double-fisting Starbucks and posing awkwardly, to the delight of young parkgoers everywhere.
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against mediocrity.

In the September issue of Bomb, there’s this great conversation between writers Jonathan Lethem and Geoff Dyer — you ought to read the thing in full — and near the end, Lethem makes an aside: As Phillip Lopate said to me once, in a fit of annoyance over someone criticizing something wonderful for not being “transgressive”: “All excellence transgresses against mediocrity.”
And I sort of love that Lopate quote, not only because I think it’s true, but also because it serves as a standard against which to look at one’s own work. The thing is, though, I’m feeling pretty mediocre right now about my photography, or maybe about photography in general, or well, maybe I’m just not sure. Or maybe it’s because winter has come much too soon here to the city, and I feel like I never got to capture autumn properly, and now I’ll have to deal with staying warm and too many layers and all of that sort of thing.
In any event, it seems rather silly to be sharing photographs that I don’t feel particularly inspired by, or at the very least, don’t feel are representative of who I am, or what I’m capable of. Lord knows I don’t want this blog to be a diary of my photographic failings. So! Time to regroup, work on a few projects, maybe rethink what it is I want from doing any of this, and what it is I think is so important to share. I just want to feel like I’m chipping away towards excellence, and not like I have plateaued at just fair to middling.
I’d say something like: I’ll return when the new Google Reader lets me share links again! But I’m not holding my breath about that, so expect to see me back some time before Thanksgiving, hopefully. Fingers crossed. Mediocrity is not a good place to be.
[Above: June, Berlin, February 2009]
what my dreams look like (sort of).

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I’ve been having exceptionally vivid dreams lately, most of which involve me travelling nearish (Texas) and far-ish (Sicily, Morocco, and I think … Gibraltar?). In all of these dreams, I’ve got a camera with me, and I take *a lot* of photographs. And, as I’m taking them, I think to myself, Wow. These are going to be awesome. And then I wake up, empty handed. It’s always a bit disappointing, since both the experiences and the photographs seem so real, so palpable, so present.
These photos, taken over the last 4 years or so, remind me of some of those dream images — the crazy colors, flickering lights, not quite discernible faces, out of focus fuzziness: wee, discrete glimpses into a world parallel to — or perhaps overlapping with — my own.
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arlanda at night.

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Because of some annoying ticketing quirks, I was unable to fly directly from London back to New York on my wee European holiday a few weeks ago, and had to head back to Sweden for one last night before flying out of Arlanda airport early on a Sunday morning. Between still being sick and jetlagged, I decided not to head into Stockholm, but instead booked a fancy room at the Radisson wedged right inbetween terminals 4 and 5 at Arlanda, in an area known as SkyCity. I figured I’d just veg out in my hotel room, maybe wander around the shops in SkyCity, maybe find a place to sit with a book and a glass of wine; all I wanted to do was to decompress from two weeks of illness and farawayness, in the peculiar nonspaceness that is an airport.
I also realized, once I got to the hotel and discovered that it was inside the airport itself, that I’d probably be able to wander around the terminals at night, with no one around. And indeed, at least in the international / long-distance-flights terminals 4 and 5, it was a ghost town by 8:30 in the evening. So I took the Leica + wide angle Voigtlander lens and loaded it with a roll of Ilford 3200 speed film that I’d been hoping to use at some point during the trip. No one stopped me as I explored the place, camera in tow. SkyCity looks out onto the runways, but with no planes coming in or out, there was hardly anything stirring. Sans people, the banality of such a large space was striking.
With a couple of shots left on the roll, I decided to treat myself to one last Swedish meal, this one at the hotel bar — the only place in the terminals where there was any sort of stirring. A plate of assorted pickled herring and cripsbread, alongside one last glass of white wine, in a quiet hotel bar: it was a nice way to end an oftentimes frustrating and frustrated vacation. I’d probably do it all again in a heartbeat.
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last day in london.

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I’ve seen better weeks. These photos, taken on my final full day in London a few weeks ago, are doing a pretty good job of cheering me up.
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mealtime in europe.

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Despite being sick and delirious and mostly not hungry while I was in Stockholm and London, I was determined to eat well. And, other than a very ill-advised decision to order fish and chips at an “English” “pub” near where I was staying on my first night in Stockholm, and the ramen I ate in the apartment every morning while jetlagged and underslept, just about every meal I had in Sweden was pretty spectacular. There was a lot of fish (yes!) and a lot cream (cringe) and A LOT of dill (an herb I’m not particularly fond of), and yet I found myself ordering creamy, dilly seafood everywhere I went. And it was all excellent. Even the cafeteria-style meal I had at the Moderna Museet was delicious.
Of those meals, my favorite was probably at Lisa Elmqvist at the Ostermalms Saluhall, a great food hall full of just about everything you could imagine. The restaurant was tucked away in a corner, and I went there one afternoon for a late lunch at the bar. Just a simple meal of gravlax and a glass of the Gruner Veltliner (see the very first picture in the post), and yet incredibly satisfying, a brief respite from feeling unwell and congested. My second favorite meal: the meatballs at Pelikan (pictured above), a must if you’re a carnivore and want to experience some classic Swedish fare.
By the time I got to London, I was feeling considerably better, or at least hungrier, so I took advantage of that and went to St John Bread & Wine one afternoon, and then to the restaurant at the newish St. John Hotel for lunch another day. So good! A nettle soup with hazelnuts and backfat was soothing and decadent, all at once. Duck egg on black pudding! Pork rinds! Squid and artichoke hearts! Bacon and baked beans! Man oh man, was it satisfying.
Balancing out those insane meals were differently amazing vegan meals with my London hosts, Lupe and Al, who made a great cauliflower curry and dal one night, so much food that we had leftovers for lunch the following afternoon. On another night, they took me out for completely wonderful south Indian food at Diwana. We feasted on various fried appetizers and then demolished our dosas with reckless abandon. So, so good.
Long story short: me, sick? Looking back at these photos, I wonder how that was even remotely possible.
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riddarholmen.

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My friend Jonas, at whose work studio I was staying while I was in Stockholm, told me that one of the things I should see and do was to head out to the little island of Riddarholmen, smack dab in the middle of the city, and watch the sun set. (He’d also told me to bring along something fun to drink, as everyone else does while they’re out there, but I’d failed to remember this important tip. Ah well!) So one afternoon during my week in Stockholm, I took my sick, bedraggled self out of the house and into the afternoon sun. The walk from Norrmalm, the center of town, over the water and into Gamla Stan, the old part of the city, was a lovely affair, with the noisiness of downtown fading away as the cobblestone streets took over. Then a walk across a small bridge and onto Riddarholmen, full of old buildings and a gigantic church, and then to an outdoor area where others had also come to take in the sunset. I pulled out a printed-out crossword and fiddled around with it as the sun slowly fell towards the horizon; every so often I’d look up to take a photo or two. It was a mostly quiet crowd, save for the gaggle of German sightseers on a Segway tour (no really!) and a couple of tour buses that stopped long enough for passengers to come out into the plaza and snap away.
It was a perfect afternoon, and as the day turned to dusk, folks started to wander away from the water’s edge, and towards the restaurants and bars. I lingered for a wee bit, to take it all in for just a few more moments.
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the trip.

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Two words: respiratory infection.
Yup. On the second day of my trip to Sweden, what I thought was maybe just a jetlag-prompted cold turned out to be a full-blown respiratory infection, complete with fever, chills, sweats, coughs, more coughs, and general discomfort and fogginess. Also, between the infection and the jetlag (which never went away), I found myself enjoying the 4am offerings on Swedish television — mostly old American TV shows (Macgyver!) and newer British reality shows with Swedish subtitles. It was a very, very surreal holiday.
I’d planned to take the three hour ferry ride to Gotland for the second week of the vacation, but made a last minute decision to fly instead to London, and convalesce at the home of my friends Lupe and Al. Between a great deal of bedrest and soothing vegan meals at their Clapton flat, and a couple of solo meals at St John Hotel and St John Bread & Wine (places I’ve been wanting to try for some time now), my health and spirits began to improve markedly.
I did manage to take a dozen or so rolls of photographs on my trip, though as I look at them now, I feel like they were taken in a groggy, half-delirious state, with nothing quite properly in focus or with the correct exposure. I’d meant to pack my Lomo in addition to the Leica, but in the end, in my packing haste, only the Leica came along for the ride — though the expired Fuji Superia 200 that I used for about half the trip managed to awash everything in that funny Lomo haze. I’ll post more photos as the week and my health progress.
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sweden.

I’ve arrived. I have no idea what time it is. The light is amazing. Back in a few weeks, after I’ve soaked it all in.
recently.

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My New York City weekend (this past weekend, yes, but really, just about any weekend):
1. A trip to Dicksons Farmstand Meats to pick up some sausage and spaetzle for a lazy Sunday night dinner. The butchers were trimming meat in the back area, and I snapped a quick pic. I’ve only purchased the cured meats there (their guanciale is wonderful), but I need to try some of their meat some time soon. Such a great little store and awesome resource.
2. The Afterschool Special at Marshall Stack. It wouldn’t be a weekend afternoon if I didn’t veg out part of the time at the Stack. Yes, I am a broken record.
3. Speaking of broken records: I need to do a blog post where I include every photo I’ve ever taken of the eggs all’Amatriciana dish at Maialino. There are a lot of these photos out there, mostly because brunch at Maialino with Mark has become something of a monthly tradition; heck, I even had this dish on Christmas morning. No joke. It’s so lovely, so incredibly genteel, to nibble on pizza bianca, with a little sea salt sprinkled on top for good measure, while watching the passersby along Gramercy Park. This past Sunday was no different; the amatriciana, as always, was sublime.
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